In our day to day lives, the one thing that seems inevitable is our meeting with people. There is not a single day perhaps in all of our lives where we can say that we did not have to interact with somebody!
They bring us the most joy and yet bring us the most pain. They help us to go forward in life while at the same time they can be the biggest stumbling block. Yet, somehow we cannot do without our relationships. Deep inside every person is the need to relate and be with somebody. Whilst this remains a great need, many still struggle to maintain and sustain healthy relationships.
For this post, I have included the excerpts of a talk I gave recently:
“............I was reading about this survey that they took on which they asked the people what they would like for other people to say to them. What was the favourite phrase they loved to hear from others? These are the top six:
1. Dinner is Served.
2. Keep the Change.
3. All is forgiven.
4. I’ve missed you.
5. You’ve lost weight.
6. I love you.
Let me ask a little more personal question: How many of you want to hear someone tell you that they love you? Now, there’s no need to blush now! Some of you guys are sitting airtight here!
How many of us here have been in love? Maybe some of us here are in a relationship and maybe some of us here are considering one but one thing I know for sure is that it really sets our worlds on fire to know that there is someone that truly loves us or admires us!
When I got into my first year at college, we had this guy that was probably one of the most innocent and naive guys you could’ve ever met! Every batch has one of them! Every batch has a smart-aleck guy who does all the mischief and a naive guy who normally gets to be the butt of all the jokes. So some of the guys including the smart-aleck in the hostel decided to play a prank on him and decided to write a letter to him from a girl saying that she had a crush on him. Of course we had the old fashioned snail mail (letters)! There were no emails, no mobiles and definitely no whatsapp!
Needless to say, this friend of ours kept quiet about the letter and just kept reading it. We sent one, and then sent another and he finally shared about it to one of his roommates. We even got him to believe that the girl was in our class but didn’t reveal her identity. He never shared it with anyone else. Once in a while all of us would get together in his room and try to get it out of him but he was one tough nut!
Finally we had an idea! He had a moustache. So we decided to send him a new letter where the girl asks him to shave his moustache off. We all waited eagerly for him to receive the letter. One day went by after he read it, two days went by but he wasn’t shaving his moustache! Finally after almost a week, he asked his roommate about his moustache and if he would look good if he took it off! By now all of the hostel guys in our batch knew about the letter! So the roommate pretended to be casual about it and said that he didn’t know and asked him to try it out.
Another week went by and that Sunday morning, I will never forget, we were all just getting up from our sleep when one of the guys literally ran into every room announcing that he had taken his moustache off! And we were like, “Ah! Finally he did it!”
That morning we were all in his room and kept asking him why till he couldn’t take it anymore and admitted that there was this girl! Of course even then we didn’t admit that we were the ones sending the letter! The smart aleck guy was writing the letter one day and the naive guy happened to walk into his room and found out about the letter! And with that the prank came to an end! He took it fine...and we all had a laugh about it!
When I still think about the whole thing, one thing stands clear: Everyone wants to be loved.
I am sure everyone of us at some point, have had people come up to us and say that this guy or girl likes us and there would be shivers of excitement run through our hearts!
Everyone wants to be loved, there’s no doubt about it. Even the angriest, most violent people want someone to love them. They want someone who would accept them the way they are.
Someone made this statement and I think it’s quite true:
“Your relationships are only as healthy as you are.”
In other words, if we are to take and evaluate the health of every relationship that we have today, it’s only going to as strong as we are. If we are warm, loving and affectionate then we will have strong relationships with those around us but if we are always angry, grumpy and constantly have a bad attitude then I’ll guarantee that we won’t have a strong relationship with anyone!
I mean think about this: would we go and share bad news with someone who is short tempered especially if it concerns them? No, of course not! Primary reason being we wouldn’t know how that person would take it. So we keep quiet and don’t bring it up. In due course of time, there would be many things that would pile up eventually making the relationship unhealthy.
Everyone wants to be loved but your relationships are only going to be as healthy as you are..........”
When someone struggles in his/her relationship, the focus often ends up on the wrongs of the other person involved. They are quick to chalk up all the negatives as to why the relationship is not working and point fingers. While their arguments may be valid, very rarely do they look into themselves and see if there’s something for them to change.
When a person begins to look inside himself/herself and makes an attempt to change, the relationships around them begin to change as well.
A relationship goes through a struggle when one is not willing to change or adapt. But when we realize that every relationship we have has the potential to help us change and become more mature that is when we begin to grow. That helps us to look inside and change rather than point fingers.
So what do you think? Have your relationships helped you to change or mature?